My mind has been running on overload lately as I try to make some sense of a puzzle.
As you know I have been diagnosed in the past with Aspergers.
Then I came across SPD- Sensory Processing Disorder, and HSP - Highly Sensitive People
And recently I made the acquaintance of Dabrowski, overexitabilities and giftedness.
All of these titles and terms to my mind could all be part of the same network, if not the same thing from a different angle. I am now struggling to decide which if any of these I fit.
By using the terms Highly Sensitive and overexitability for example, I feel my situation is looked at from a more positive angle than Aspergers. Although they are still the same symptoms.
Giftedness is also one of those things that people hesitate to apply to themselves. With the research I've done and the FB groups I'm in, I see this as a common predicament.
Here is a post I wrote to the Intergifted FB group of which I'm a member.
Are there others in this group who are self described "gifted"? I grew up in Papua New Guinea where we had no gifted programmes in schools. I am ashamed to admit it, but when I helped my peers with their work in the small correspondence school I attended, I didn't think that I was bright...just that they were not.
According to my parents I was ahead on all the landmark stages in life except sport. I was a talented musician who played in adult situations like congregational singing in church, while in primary school.
I'm not sure I would really be diagnosed (hate that term) as gifted or more just sensitive, intense, creative and talented.
I like Dabrowski's gifted scale with the five overexecitabilities, as I feel I fit more into those than into the traditionally intellectual gifted category.
I found reading Paula Prober's Your Rainforest Mind such a relief and such a treat. I felt I'd found my tribe but still I was hesitant.
I joined this group to hover on the sidelines and peep into your lives to see if I fit.
I'm struggling to know if I am experiencing Imposter Syndrome. Evidence to support that is that everyone around me in whatever field I'm in always pushes me forward to the front, to lead. They make noises about how creative and talented etc. I am. How I think and am wired differently.
I am struggling with the world and have undergone MANY years of counselling without really sensing understanding for how I tick.
I often feel estranged from the world, with totally different goals and interests. Totally different mindset and way of thinking. I process things differently and feel overwhelmed by everyday situations.
Really appreciating this group, but I feel like a child sitting at the adult's table. How do the rest of you KNOW you are gifted? Is it all based on IQ tests and the like? Are there others here also lurking, who are in this same situation?
The response I received was astounding, giving the impression that many in the group struggled with just this same question.
One of the respondents (who is a counsellor of the gifted) noted that amongst his clients he has noticed this paradox (paraphrased):
The more intelligent you are the more you are aware of what you don't know, therefore causing you to conclude you are stupid. However those that are not smart feel confident they know all there is to know. Some people feel they may be only slightly gifted because of this thought process. They always know someone who knows more about a topic than them which helps to prove their ignorance. However these would be called the extremely gifted.
One of the issues of course is the inherent difficulty with the term "gifted", having a feeling of boastfulness and lording it over the masses. The book "Enjoying the Gift of Being Uncommon" by Willem Kuipers, which I am currently enjoying, uses other terms like ximension and Xi which can more objectively examine and discuss the extra dimension and state of living for those in this basket.
'It's all just labels and doesn't really matter. Just be yourself', I hear you cry!
And there is truth in what you say. Having a label doesn't really change things, but it can help with self acceptance when you feel estranged and struggle to understand your own mind, your own intensities. It can be a shortcut to finding your own tribe, and others who can give advice on how to handle situations and thoughts. I have benefitted greatly from the Intergifted Facebook group.
So this is where my mind has been playing lately. I even took a weekend off by myself at the beach to wrestle with my thoughts. Hence the photos. It was glorious!
I had a few shots of my colour adventures left, so thought I'd share them with the world...as you do.
Above I am in pants made from old sheets dyed with eco dye colours. These are the very comfortablist pants I own. Come on...old sheets!
And now I present to you...da, da, da...my eye!
I took this closeup as best I could without studio conditions to see the colours therein.
I've been reading David Zyla's book about his colour system. All the colours that suit us best are located in our bodies. I really like the idea. Some find it hard to isolate their colours, but I didn't have too much trouble.
Here are my colours represented by the clothes in my wardrobe...colours as close as I could get them.
The peachy colour is my version of white (skin tones), the pink my version of red (blush tones), teal is my dramatic colour (vein colour), burnt orange is my energy colour (darkest colour in eye) , olive green my tranquil colour (lightest colour in eye), dark bluey grey my version of black (ring around iris), dark chocolate my version of brown (darkest colour in hair), and golden brown my version of khaki (lightest colour in hair - not sure if you count grey).
You should have seen me squinting in the hand mirror in the sun with my faulty eyesight, trying to identify that elusive hair colour! It must have been hilarious!
He also talks about identifying your style. I have become enamoured of the Sensual Backpacker category or Spicy Autumn. It speaks of wearing simple practical stylish shapes in interesting textures referencing the sensuous traveller. Sounds like me right?!
When I dyed these pants I must have spilt juice on them because there was a large dark splat right in the front, so I covered it with an embroidered patch. All adds to the character.
I can't believe I nearly left this shirt in the op shop. It has become a staple this Summer. Great for a little coverup or if I need to look a little more decent than the singlets I hang out in at home...hey, it's hot!
I also love this necklace which combines my first gift from Bushy...a chain, with a polished rock made by my maternal grandfather Poppi.
I leave you with our latest video featuring Aiden on flying fox, and Miles flying solo in the boat...oh and my singing. Bear with the uneven sound quality, we are working on improving it. Slowly learning :-)